It’s Friday night again not had the opportunity to go out nothing on tv internet has lost it’s fascination your beloved pet has abandoned you as it’s to hot inside so you sit on the floor with your new best friend Mr Beer

But as we all know Mr beer is not really your friend he talks to you at first gets you to relax then the horns come out and he whispers in your ear

The greatest tragedy is I know what he is going to say but I still welcome it as the voice makes me feel there is someone else with me and I am not alone forgotten by my friends.

He leads me into a kaleidoscope of emotions from nothing to chilled to smiling to anger to resentment to meannesses then to level of acceptance.

It is wild ride and thankfully the anger to level of acceptance phase can last and often does one pint.

I sit here and I know that I am lucky in so many ways the fact that I am level headed so even in my self loathing state I know that tomorrow is another day and even though deep down I know it will be the same as today and yesterday I still look forward to it.

I can only look at this from my side but it angers me when people say oh I need to be alone or hate having people around all the time. I want to shout at them no you don’t, you hate having the wrong type of person around. You want the person who understands you and when you want space they give space when you want to feel their warmth they are there.

Now imagine wanting that wanting anyone to look at you and smile anyone who will touch you not in a sexual way just make contact someone even as a joke say they would hug you be there for you, support you.

Now imagine if you had honestly never had that at any point in your life imagine if even your mother had sold her story to the national newspapers saying how she never loved you.

Imagine what a lonely road that would be.